If a worry of being turned down retains you from making use of to your dream job, as an example, you may miss out on a life-changing alternative. Equally, not taking pictures your shot on Tinder since you’re afraid your matches received’t reply may preserve you from some actually thrilling dates.

That’s the place rejection remedy could assist: By experimenting with comparatively low-risk conditions (like requesting a “burger refill,” which clearly doesn’t exist), you’re capable of expertise rejection in small, much less mortifying doses, Martinez says. Over time, these little challenges can desensitize you to the sting of not getting somebody’s approval, Dr. Chapman provides.

As you’re advised “no” over and over—and nothing horrible occurs—you’ll begin to understand that it isn’t as scary as you thought, he explains, and your mind will get used to managing the preliminary discomfort. This newfound resilience can then make it simpler to take larger dangers in your life, like asking a fellow ebook membership member in the event that they wish to seize espresso, or making use of to that basically prestigious graduate program.

Take into account, although, that for some individuals, this seemingly innocent train may really damage (not assist) their psychological well being: “If somebody’s social nervousness is so extreme that it already prevents them from partaking with anybody—like they keep away from going out in public—then rejection remedy may be an excessive amount of, too quickly,” Dr. Chapman says, particularly with out the steerage of a therapist. “We wish to keep away from a state of affairs the place we’re throwing somebody who doesn’t know methods to swim into the deep finish of the pool, so to talk.”

Easy methods to strive “rejection remedy” for your self

Positive, scrolling via #rejectiontherapy on TikTok may give you some concepts of what to do. However if you wish to make sure you reap the advantages—with out overwhelming your self or upsetting another person—specialists say there are some guidelines it’s best to observe:

1. Begin small.

One mistake lots of people make, in keeping with Dr. Chapman, is one thing known as flooding, or exposing your self to tremendous intense triggers proper off the bat. “This could make you so burdened or overwhelmed that you just’ll be extra avoidant of these kinds of social conditions sooner or later,” he explains.

That’s why he recommends rejection remedy newbies begin with manageable strikes, resembling asking a stranger on the mall for a breath mint, or seeing if the subway passenger subsequent to you’ll play rock-paper-scissors. If these really feel doable, you may work your means as much as extra daunting challenges, he says, like asking a stranger to Venmo you $100 and providing to pay them again later.

2. Keep in mind to respect others’ boundaries.

Repeatedly bugging that poor Chipotle worker for a taco that isn’t on their menu will possible inconvenience (and maybe enrage) them. And making an attempt to take a spontaneous selfie with that individual out of your sweaty yoga class may be annoying at greatest and intrusive at worst.

It’s vital to work in your social nervousness with out making others uncomfortable, each specialists say. On that word, “you also needs to steer clear of requests which are even remotely sexual in nature and something that includes touching somebody, like hugging or kissing,” Martinez says. “Principally, strive your greatest to not make the opposite individual really feel unsafe in any means.” (And talking of security and bounds, it goes with out saying that it’s best to use frequent sense and keep away from pushing anybody too far. You don’t wish to piss off the unsuitable individual.)

3. Afterwards, take a beat to self-reflect.

Publish-rejection, your thoughts could race with ideas like, Why the hell did I try this? God, everybody’s going to assume I’m a freak! To cease your self from slipping into an nervousness spiral, Dr. Chapman recommends taking a couple of minutes to mirror on what simply occurred.