Each month, the SELF Well-Read Book Club highlights a timely, delightful, and crucial book on a subject that helps readers live better lives. So far, we’ve covered everything from the politics of running to the state of modern motherhood.  

What is going on with men right now?

This is the question Alex Manley poses at the start of their new book, The New Masculinity: A Roadmap for a 21st-Century Definition of Manhood. And I have to admit: For a while now, I’ve been wondering the exact same thing. 

The 2010s saw a wave of conversation about and examination of misogyny, gender roles, and privilege. The Trump presidency and the #MeToo movement led to increased scrutiny of how all men behave—both famous and not. And while a number of men embraced the opportunity to rethink, well, everything, some men felt pushed to the side, ignored, or altogether forgotten—there was “no longer room for them” in the C-suite, they claimed, nor were they “allowed” to approach a woman at a bar and ask for her number. 

As Manley (yes, that’s their real last name) so eloquently points out in The New Masculinity, a lot of men are anxious—about shifting gender roles, yes, but also about many of the same things everyone is stressed about, like work, money, relationships, raising kids, the pandemic, and the state of the world. And without the tools or clear pathways to cope with that anxiety, it can easily curdle into anger, one of the few socially acceptable ways men are able to express their emotions.

This is not good for men. This is not good for women. Really, this is not good for anybody. 

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and this year SELF will be publishing a series of stories about masculinity and mental health. We felt that Manley’s humorous, honest, and thoughtful treatise on modern masculinity, which is out today, was a perfect fit for this month’s SELF Well-Read Book Club pick. 

The New Masculinity is a Sedaris-ian journey that takes the form of hilarious anecdotes and essays that weave together cultural criticism and creative nonfiction. While Manley encourages men to fundamentally reconsider traditional thinking (each chapter discusses something men historically don’t do, like wearing makeup or seeing a therapist), they’re never condescending and never unfair. 

Seeing as men’s mental health and wellbeing affects all of us, we think everyone can benefit from this book’s lessons: Manley encourages everyone to do away with a heteronormative understanding of gender and gender roles. So while we selected this book with our male readers in mind, we think anyone who knows a man, loves a man, or wants to raise a good one will want to tag along for the ride too.

‘The New Masculinity: A Roadmap for a 21st-Century Definition of Manhood’ by Alex Manley

What’s next? 

• Buy the book here. 
• Read an exclusive excerpt here. 
• Check self.com all month long for more stories on masculinity and mental health. 
• Stay tuned for details on an Instagram Live conversation between author Alex Manley and SELF editor in chief Rachel Wilkerson Miller.