Pedro Pascal spoke about losing his mother at a young age—and how her loss changed his family dynamic—in a new interview with Esquire published on Tuesday. He was just 24 when she passed away in 2000, and two of his three siblings were even younger. (Pascal’s younger sister, Lux Pascal, is 18 years his junior, and the age of his younger brother, Nicolás Blamaceda Pascal, isn’t publicly known.) 

Pascal said that, upon first hearing the news of his mom’s passing, he flew to Chile, where he was born and where his mother was when she died, in part to try to comfort his younger sister and brother. “They were very young kids, so much younger than me and my older sister, so even if they hadn’t lost a parent, we would still feel parental toward them,” Pascal said. “And I didn’t naively think I could fill a space like that, but I just always wanted to be like, I’m here.”

He added that more than two decades after her death, he’s still extremely protective of his loved ones. “It could have to do with the fact that I don’t have my own family, and that my siblings and my chosen family are where I invest all of my emotional energy,” Pascal explained.

Pascal said his recent success in The Last of Us—and the subsequent global attention it has garnered—helped him realize he’s still in communication with his mother. He explained that he spoke to her recently while preparing to host Saturday Night Live. 

“I was so scared that week that I was talking to her,” Pascal said. After rehearsals on the days leading up to the show, he added, “There would be that terror waiting for me—that practical fear of bombing in front of the world. And then I talked to her, and it was really comforting.” When asked what he said, Pascal replied: “I love you. I miss you. Thank you. I’m scared. I would love if you would help me believe in myself, because I know you do.”

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