In 2016, Kristin Holloway’s 36-year-old husband, Lee, out of the blue misplaced curiosity in his job and stopped taking good care of his private hygiene, amongst different drastic behavioral modifications. His docs suspected he was experiencing psychological misery—however after a collection of exams, Lee was identified with frontotemporal degeneration (FTD), the commonest kind of dementia in folks youthful than 60. Now, Kristin sits on the board of The Affiliation for Frontotemporal Degeneration, the place she helps fund FTD analysis and innovation. Right here’s her story, as instructed to well being author Julia Ries.
Lee and I began relationship in early 2013. We first met once we labored subsequent to one another at his firm, an web safety agency, for a few years. I didn’t count on issues to show romantic, however he separated from his spouse across the time I ended an engagement, and we began to bond over our breakups over quite a lot of coffees and conversations about life. The connection took off, and we obtained engaged in 2014.
Lee struggled with migraine for a very long time. Even earlier than we began relationship, he slept a ton, obtained overly exhausted, and missed work as a consequence of his signs. Once we obtained collectively, he stated he needed to repair his well being and unravel his migraine assaults.
As a result of some research recommend that coronary heart murmurs would possibly contribute to migraine, he was evaluated for a coronary heart murmur he was born with at Stanford College. A few of his docs really useful that he have surgical procedure—particularly, an aortic valve alternative—to right the murmur, and, the hope was, alleviate his migraine. We determined as a pair that sooner was higher than later and scheduled the surgical procedure for February 2015, though our marriage ceremony was approaching.
Lee’s six-and-a-half-hour open-heart surgical procedure was successful, and the whole lot moved forward: He recovered as I continued to work full-time and plan our marriage ceremony, and ultimately, he felt effectively sufficient to return to work. In June of 2015, we flew to Hawaii and obtained married. It was a phenomenal marriage ceremony, and we had a tremendous honeymoon. Afterward, we returned dwelling to San Francisco. Every part appeared good and regular, and in January of 2016, I came upon I used to be pregnant.
In Might, slightly over a 12 months after his surgical procedure, issues modified. Lee began frequently lacking work and getting in very late—greater than he ever did up to now. He was given a efficiency enchancment plan, which was surprising. This was his firm, he was one of many founders…it didn’t make sense. He stopped showering each day, and he’d put on one outfit to work on Thursday, then on Friday, get up and put the very same garments again on. This was odd: He’d all the time taken delight in his look.
I did not know what to do. I used to be six months pregnant and about to go on maternity depart. Lee was clearly struggling, so I urged he take break day of labor to relaxation. I assumed that, perhaps, he was nonetheless recovering from the surgical procedure and probably coping with trauma from it. Finally, he agreed—and in July 2016, he stepped down from the tech firm. I used to be shocked and devastated, however I used to be additionally actually involved about his well being and the way he was performing. He was more and more apathetic and didn’t appear as engaged in life. He simply didn’t care as a lot about issues he cared about up to now.