In 2002, Jamie-Lynn Sigler’s profession was ascending quick. At simply 20 years previous, she was rounding out her fourth season on The Sopranos—extensively thought of among the finest tv reveals of all time—and starring as Belle in a Broadway manufacturing of Magnificence and the Beast. Offstage and off-camera, nonetheless, Sigler was dealing with a severe medical state of affairs: She had been recognized with relapsing-remitting a number of sclerosis (RRMS), the commonest sort of MS. When you’ve got this incurable—however treatable—situation, your immune system assaults the protecting sheath that covers nerve fibers, messing along with your mind’s skill to speak with the remainder of your physique. For Sigler, it meant that irritating leg ache impacted her skill to stroll and stand, and he or she had bladder points and excessive fatigue.
Sigler is tremendous candid about her signs at the moment. Since sharing her prognosis publicly in 2016, she’s develop into a spokesperson for the pharmaceutical firm Novartis and he or she lately launched a podcast known as MeSsy with Christina Applegate, who additionally has MS. Sigler wasn’t at all times so open—she truly stayed silent along with her coworkers, followers, and even shut associates about what she was experiencing for greater than a decade. Sigler lately spoke with SELF about what lastly led her to push again the curtain, how that alternative has impacted her life, and why she’s encouraging others in related positions to do the identical.
SELF: On the day you had been recognized, you went to the hospital as a result of your leg felt weak. What was going by way of your head in these preliminary moments after studying what was truly occurring?
Sigler: Instantly after the neurologist recognized me, they mentioned, “I need you to know you’ll be able to reside a really full, wholesome life. You may have kids—you’ll be able to nonetheless be an actress.” I held deeply onto that, however I simply went residence with my mother and father and I didn’t discuss my situation once more for a really very long time. Somebody near me mentioned that it most likely wouldn’t be a good suggestion to share as a result of nobody in my trade had MS. I didn’t know any younger individuals with it.
Whereas I did not discuss my well being publicly, I additionally didn’t discuss it in my private life. I lived in a state of denial. I used to be very immature, however I used to be simply doing the very best I may in that second. I additionally wasn’t too symptomatic in these early phases, so I used to be in a position to get away with not opening up about my prognosis—and even taking my drugs. I felt like if I did not discuss my MS, it wasn’t actual. That mentality actually harm me for a very long time and added an pointless layer of struggling on prime of what I used to be already going by way of.
Did you’re feeling like revealing your MS would possibly negatively affect your profession or private life?
I had such imposter syndrome on The Sopranos, however I used to be additionally a perfectionist. I believed I might be fired if I instructed individuals round me that I had MS. I believed I might by no means get employed. I believed individuals would simply have a look at me and instantly restrict or choose me, so I did not share something, ever, that I used to be going by way of.
Was there a turning level wherein you felt such as you simply couldn’t disguise your signs anymore?
In my first decade of residing with MS, I wasn’t being per my drugs or caring for myself—and I actually noticed a quick decline due to that. I had many roles the place I simply stored mendacity. If I used to be limping, I’d inform everybody that I’d harm my again, pinched a nerve, or tweaked my ankle. However concealing what I used to be going by way of took all the enjoyment out of labor. Each day I’d get on set and suppose, ‘How do I get by way of every job with out being came upon once more?’ I wasn’t even speaking about my MS with my associates…how would I carry it up with staff and strangers? After all, my signs ultimately compelled me to take a step again in some unspecified time in the future—I used to be not a great actress on the time in any respect. I needed to strive so arduous to appear to be an able-bodied individual that I may barely consider the scene I used to be in. I used to be getting away with surface-level performances as a result of I used to be simply anxious about bodily holding myself up and making an attempt to stroll usually. I used to be additionally depressed and scared as a brand new mother.
In 2018, you determined to step again from work. How did that really feel?
I don’t suppose I actually grasped the gravity of that call. It was only one I HAD to make in that second as a result of I simply couldn’t take it anymore. I had by no means thought too far into the longer term. I needed to sit with these arduous emotions that I pushed away for a extremely very long time. I sat with my grief—the grief for the life I believed I used to be going to reside. I instructed myself, ‘That is my life. I don’t know what the longer term holds, however that is it.’ Sitting with these ideas helped me settle for my state of affairs. It doesn’t imply it’s a must to prefer it, however we now have to just accept what life offers us, belief it, and transfer ahead. I additionally needed to reframe my pondering: ‘So, okay, I stroll with a limp. I reside with MS. That is one a part of my life, and I’m nonetheless a spouse and a mother, and I nonetheless wish to be an actress and do issues with my associates.’
What was it like while you lastly opened as much as associates and coworkers?
After I reached out to my girlfriends about my MS and instructed them, their assist was overwhelming. They had been like, “Thanks, Jamie. We’re right here for you!” That made me notice that my life is just a little simpler, I am not a burden, I am not singled out, and I am not totally different. In latest jobs, I simply must be very clear about my signs—and inform individuals I’m working with what I can and might’t do. This was significantly true for my work on Large Sky. After a few episodes, the crew was in a position to perceive me higher, my physique, and my wants—I can’t run or stand for too lengthy, for instance. There was by no means a single dialogue past that. I used to be proven essentially the most love and assist from my coworkers. They stored reminding me, “This isn’t a burden. That is no additional lodging we’re having to make.” It allowed me to search out the enjoyment in appearing once more.
Have been there some other ways in which talking overtly modified your life for the higher?
It gave me confidence find my voice. If you cope with a continual sickness, particularly while you see a health care provider repeatedly in your signs, that is actually necessary. In one among our first sit-downs, my neurologist mentioned to me: “Jamie, your voice issues and must be the loudest within the room.” Advocating for myself—and deciding with my physician what treatment I ought to be on—gave me just a little little bit of energy and management in a state of affairs the place I felt like I had none.
What would you say to somebody who has simply came upon they’ve MS?
I get put in contact with lots of people who simply received recognized—my finest buddy, Lance Bass, known as me lately and was like, “Christina Applegate received recognized with MS, can she name you?” I at all times say sure. Not that I’m the be-all and end-all professional on residing with the situation, however I’ve had it for 22 years and I’ve some expertise. From the underside of my coronary heart, the very first thing I say is, “You are going to be okay. I do not know the way that is going to have an effect on your physique. I do know will probably be arduous and I will probably be right here for you when it’s, however I promise you may be okay.” And I imagine that as a result of I’m. I actually am okay. I typically suppose that MS could have hardened my physique, however it’s softened my coronary heart and slowed me down. It makes me go searching extra. My time with my kids won’t have as a lot exercise, it is just a little quieter and I am on the ground with them. However that’s allowed for a deeper connection between us. Individuals who have been touched by this illness are, with out fail, the strongest individuals I do know—arms down.
This interview has been condensed and edited for readability.
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