Final weekend, I spent virtually an hour occurring and on (and on) to my good friend about how a lot I can’t stand this one TikToker with probably the most grating voice and “choose me” vitality. And by the tip of this passionate vent sesh, I began to noticeably query myself: Um, do I’ve an issue?

In fact, it’s pure to really feel irritated by sure folks, together with ones we barely (or don’t) know in any respect—like that obnoxious rapper, narcissistic Bachelor contestant, or overrated pop star. However there’s a distinction between not liking somebody and letting that feeling snowball right into a full-blown obsession that messes together with your well-being, Janel Coleman, LMSW, a licensed therapist at Madison Sq. Psychotherapy in New York Metropolis tells SELF.

For instance, merely seeing a actuality TV villain in your display in all probability shouldn’t set off you a lot that you find yourself stalking their Instagram reels till 2 a.m. Equally, it’s not nice if listening to your frenemy’s identify turns your complete Friday night time date right into a draining tirade about why they suck. When somebody rubs you the fallacious manner, “it is best to have the ability to really feel these emotions and transfer on,” Coleman says. However that may be tough to do, which explains why so many people discover it simpler to “give attention to their flaws than to do the more difficult work of processing these weak feelings,” she provides.

Though an excellent rant may really feel like precisely what you want within the warmth of the second, you don’t need your hatred to mess together with your psychological well being and the way you reside your life, Coleman says. And if it does? The next skilled ideas can assist you rein in your visceral distaste for that misogynistic comic, imply “good friend,” or whoever else resides in your head rent-free.

1. Once you really feel that wave of negativity rolling in, simply breathe.

Yep, we’re beginning this text off sturdy with yet one more deep respiration tip (a signature SELF rec), and for good motive: Redirecting your consideration to your breath is among the quickest, best methods to de-escalate anger and frustration, Coleman says (and analysis agrees). The thought is that, by making a acutely aware effort to get out of your head, you’re much less more likely to act irrationally in your feelings—and say, dedicate your Saturday night time to obsessively refreshing your ex’s Snapchat location.

If you wish to give deep respiration (or, extra technically, diaphragmatic respiration) a shot, right here’s a easy apply: Place one hand in your chest and the opposite in your abdomen, breathe in via your nostril then out via your mouth, and take note of how your stomach rises and falls. Coleman additionally recommends the 4-7-8 approach: “Breathe in for 4 seconds, maintain for seven seconds, and exhale for eight seconds. Do that just a few occasions till you are feeling rather less overwhelmed.”

Each of those workout routines, she says, can activate your parasympathetic nervous system, the a part of the autonomic nervous system that tells your physique to relax. That makes them the proper instruments to make use of every time all-consuming stress (together with bitterness and rage) hijacks your physique—and convinces you to inform everybody within the group chat to hate your roommate as a lot as you do.

2. If blocking or unfollowing somebody feels aggressive, mute them as an alternative.

This may increasingly sound apparent, however please cease hate-following these influencers, A-listers, and former classmates who annoy you to no finish. Seeing their content material will simply piss you off much more and preserve you serious about them far more than it is best to, Fanny Tristan, LCSW, a psychotherapist and founding father of Restority Area in New York Metropolis, tells SELF.