I’m not an enormous crier. I shed tears, if I needed to guess, each few months or so. However my greatest buddy? She cries at every thing: Motion pictures, love songs, reminiscences, how lovely our canine are—and, in fact, throughout arguments. I do know this as a result of we lived collectively for years. We sometimes bickered, as roommates do, about dishes, payments, the amount of the TV at evening, and the way a lot we cranked up the AC through the summer time. These conversations typically resulted in tears (hers, not mine).

I discovered this response…complicated, since our disagreements typically felt like no huge deal to me. Why did suggesting she pay for our Uber experience (since, ya know, it was her flip) ship her tear ducts right into a tailspin? I’ve since discovered that some individuals merely cry extra simply than others. Confrontation, typically, brings up intense feelings, Molly Burrets, PhD, a medical psychologist and adjunct professor of marriage and household remedy at USC, tells SELF—and a few of us are simply extra triggered and overwhelmed by, say, a raised voice, direct tone, or slight criticism, Dr. Burrets says.

In the event you can relate and also you’re fed up with not with the ability to get via a disagreement with out breaking down, know this: It’s completely potential to cry much less when shit hits the fan. Not that you just even have to. However hey, if you happen to need to, we’re right here to make your dream of bickering with clear eyes and dry cheeks a actuality.

Right here’s why you begin crying as quickly because the vibe will get tense.

To be clear: There’s nothing fallacious with crying. In actual fact, it’s a totally pure and regular physiological response to tense conditions. “Once you understand a risk or expertise excessive stress, your physique reacts with tears as a strategy to launch rigidity,” Dr. Burrets explains—which is why you’re feeling so significantly better after a superb cry.

Crying can also be how your physique copes with emotional overload, or that feeling when sensations like disappointment, pleasure, and anger turn into an excessive amount of to take care of. At a sure level, you’re feeling the necessity to let go and launch these simmering feelings (cue the waterworks). However that tipping level—that second when you’ll be able to’t maintain it in anymore—varies considerably from individual to individual, Dr. Burrets says. Some individuals, like my buddy, are extra delicate to the build-up of feelings and properly up with tears as quickly as they really feel a splash of frustration or sorrow.

In the event you’re a straightforward crier, that will also be an indication that you’ve a tough time processing and speaking your feelings, she provides. This could be as a result of your loved ones prevented battle once you had been rising up otherwise you had been reprimanded for speaking about your emotions, or, for no matter purpose, you simply really feel ashamed or embarrassed expressing your self. These deeper-seated points could make it robust to seek out phrases that precisely seize what you’re experiencing, in response to Dr. Burrets. “In consequence, crying is usually a type of nonverbal communication,” she says.

How you can forestall your self from crying a river everytime you’re confronted with battle.

Regardless that crying is pure and wholesome, you may wind up in conditions the place you wish to reel it in. Maybe you get choked up once you butt heads together with your companion or your tears forestall you from having constructive conversations together with your roommates. Perhaps you’re simply fed up together with your eyes being crimson and puffy on a regular basis once you bicker together with your mother.