Even when nothing’s stopping you from having fun with penetration, you would doubtless nonetheless profit from some non-penetrative strikes as a method to broaden your sexual buffet—which “frankly permits extra alternatives for connection and emotional intimacy, in addition to pleasure,” Wright says. (“It doesn’t should be one factor versus one other, as a result of [sex] is a spectrum,” she provides.) And for those who’re not relationship or partnered? Nicely, non-penetrative solo intercourse doesn’t require one other individual’s physique.

Non-penetrative intercourse acts which can be simply as scorching as intercourse

Right here’s the rub: Actually something you would possibly do sexually that’s consensual and pleasure-focused can rely right here, Heidegger says—from sensual therapeutic massage to fingering to oral intercourse to only kissing, grinding, and even fantasizing.

Should you’re pondering, wait a sec, that’s all simply “foreplay,” Wright suggests you rethink that complete idea: “It implies that for those who’re doing intercourse act A, B, or C, then the following step is penetration, and it doesn’t should be that manner,” she says. “This concept of foreplay prevents lots of people from saying sure to their associate initiating intercourse as a result of they don’t wish to decide to an entire course of.” Whereas, defining something pleasurable as a type of intercourse in and of itself can take away that stress. Listed below are some spicy concepts to get you began:

1. Have an especially steamy makeout sesh.

Kissing wasn’t given the illustrious label of “first base” for nothin’. It’s very a lot a sexual exercise and deserves to be considered such. Letting your lips linger in your associate’s, syncing up your breath with theirs, and draping a hand on their neck or decrease again could make kissing really feel each bit as sensual—if no more—than full-on intercourse.

2. Use your tongue throughout their physique.

Talking of constructing out, there’s lots extra you are able to do with that mouth past gluing it to another person’s. Sure, we’re speaking about oral intercourse, which is available in a ton of various varieties! Some concepts for those who’re happening on somebody with a vagina: Hint your tongue alongside their labia or vaginal opening to tease them (or totally edge them, bringing them near coming after which retreating), or go for the tried-and-true flicking or sucking (or each, successively!) of their clitoris. In case your associate has a penis, apart from the everyday blow job, you’ll be able to kiss or lick any physique elements down there, maybe working your tongue alongside their perineum (the swath of pores and skin between their butthole and genitals).

Even for those who’re not going for full-blown oral, you’ll be able to put your mouth to make use of on every other erogenous zones throughout your associate’s physique (nipples, neck, thighs—you identify it) with breathy kisses or light sucking. Wish to get fancy? Attempt pursing your lips to blow cooler air on their physique or opening your mouth vast to exhale a hotter puff.

3. Get handsy.

No matter your or your associate’s anatomy, there’s a ton you are able to do together with your fingers that includes zero penetration. It’s the explanation why “digital stimulation,” Wright says, is so tried and true, particularly together with oral stuff. Should you’re touching your or another person’s vagina, cup your hand and therapeutic massage your complete labia, or use your fingers to hint figure-eights with the clit on the heart; and for those who’re holding a penis, a great ol’ hand job (stroking up and down) might be refreshing to discover, significantly if the receiver is usually used to a tongue or a gap.